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Monday, February 22, 2010

This is who i am!!!

I dont want to post the same old LOSER story.I am just trying to reconsider my thoughts .I am trying to speculate,retrospect and introspect the various aspects of life,my existence to be more specific.The Multiple Personality Syndrome that most of us are inflicted with.

Sometimes Iam like a child..giggling at the most frivolous instances,sometimes i become a teenager..eager to experiment with things unexplored..sometimes i become a doting lady..pampering all who come in my proximity..n sometimes i don the role of an old woman bogged down by the surprises that spring up during the course of this sometimes sensuous and sometimes ascetic journey.

Am still trying to understand myself.Am still analysing my dreams and desires..if any ...
Am still grappling with the intricacies of life...am still trying to figure out what gives me contentment and what perturbs me..

Sometimes i wonder whether i have grown up or am still an infant who seeks comfort in my mother's bosom...

I don't know whether i want to be a dedicated home-maker or i want to rock the corporate giants..

I don't know whether i want to be with someone who is an epitome of virtue and whose intellect is orgasmic or i want to be with some street urchin whose rustic charm and simplicity leaves my soul wanting for more..

I don't know whether i want to listen to Jagjit Singh's ghazals and cry bucketful of tears or i want to listen to hard core gut wrenching Black metal and seek revenge on all the M***********s.

I don't know whether i would relish dal-chawal eaten by hands or a Pizza with fork and knife.

So yeah you guessed it right..am Miss Dilemma!!!

Won't bug you much!!!

To Be Contd.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

7th dec 2009

am 25..have a decent job..am adored by almost everyone i meet..but there seems to be no charm in life..i've not been able to figure out the reason that would make us feel connected to this world..i don't know...i seek refuge in my work to escape the ugliness of my personal life...but how long would it help..one day or the other you have to confront the ugly truths...i wont say i have tried everything to re-connect..i tried the common resorts like alcohol...work..wanted to get into drugs..just to witness one moment of bliss or a spiritual union with happiness.



everyday..i wake up with a hope of survival..hope of a miracle ..hope of a messiah

i have questions and i know the answers..

Despair and remorse are all in the mind ..not in the world..but you know what this is a mere form of rhetoric and a by-product of intellect.



I don't know what to do...where to go..what i want..my brain has all the answers but my heart doesn't..i hate myself for being so depressed and mellow..but now don't even i have the right to be what i am..oh god pls help!!!!

Friday, June 12, 2009

reality bites

As a child i had always been amitious, ready to take over the world by storm.Being a cancerian i would always be engrossed in day dreaming, dreaming about walking on the red carpet one day i had even prepared a gratitude expression speech!thought lucre would never be a concern for me and my prince charming would woo me with all the mesmerising charms!

Just step out of your teens and experiences splash water on your face to shake off your sleep and your beautiful dreams come to an end and you step on the threshold of adoloscence as someone aptly said "being an adoloscent means realising the limits of your potential".So you see there are such varied phases in life that sometimes one is intrigued by the complexities of life.I had always been a planner inspired by the saying "If you fail to plan you are planning to fail",planned everything right from my vocation to my honeymoon destination but the flow of life meanders through different channels and takes you where you had never imagined yourself to be after all now i know why the other name of life is UNCERTAINITY.

Well you must be thinking that already everybody is entwined by the tentacles of stress and here is some stupid woman who wants to take us down the memory lane and is consistently trying to make us recall our failures or what we could not achieve.At this juncture i would like to clarify that i just want to give you a sense of belonging.All those who feel that they are losers and haven't accomplished anything in life..hang on..take a reality check.i mean you are NOT the only one .We all go through our shares of failures,rejection,depression,frustration and a hundred other negative -tions.So when you try to ward off loneliness from your life by getting lost in the crowd with moist eyes ..one peek- a- boo into thousand other lives and trust me you'll feel blessed ..yup i'll tell you thousand such stories.wanna listen to some?!